The Secret Life of a Girl on Wheels

Back again

2011-08-29T14:43:00.003+10:00

Decided I need a forum for the thoughts roling around my head so am back blogging here. It will take time to build up any kind of readership but maybe one day.

grateful

2010-01-24T12:57:00.001+11:00

This post was written in response to a comment that I should be grateful for what I have and not whine about having different abilities.

I am lucky and blessed in so many ways. Compared to most people I know I am relatively unaffected by the CP. Sure, I use a wheelchair to get around and have difficulty with fine motor tasks and there are times when I cannot transfer by myself but there is so much that I can do and this has given me opportunities that many people with CP don’t have. I can communicate and function without a lot of physical support (I can feed myself and take myself to the toilet as long as it is set up with rails etc). I understand that I am lucky in these ways and I think I show that by not complaining about the things that I cant do yet society seems to be set on reminding me of this fact at every chance it can.

Take the other day for example. I had traveled into a nearby city. I had some shopping to do so we hit the shops for a couple of hours and in that time I had no less than 11 people tell me I was lucky because of something in relation to my different abilities (I don’t like the word disability). Your so lucky to have that wheelchair was a common comment. I wish I had one was another. I’m not quite sure why people think it is so great to have a wheelchair, mostly I think they were tired of walking around the shops, but I just wish they would be careful what they wish for: it might just happen to them one day. I guess if this happened to some of the more influential people (a politician for example) that have made similar comments to me then it could be a good thing because I bet that services for people with different abilities would be greatly improved if those people who control such services needed them. Am I being selfish to think this way? I hope not for I am truly grateful that I have had the opportunities I have had- I just want to ensure that I have more in the future and that future generations do as well.

So much homework

2010-01-14T10:41:00.001+11:00

I'm behind in everything. Will be back soon.

Law student on wheels

2010-01-07T15:34:00.001+11:00

I have started a blog about my experiences as a law school student. You can visit it here. I will still blog here and on caringbridge also.

independence

2010-01-04T12:43:00.003+11:00

When my carer couldn't come this morning I realised just how dependent I am on either them or my parents. This needs to change but I'm sort of lost as to where to begin. I know I need to be physically stronger to be able to be more independent so might start with that I guess.

Novel writing

2010-01-03T09:38:00.000+11:00

One of my goals for 2010 is to write a complete draft of a novel. Its something I have attempted in the past but always seem to burn out part way through. I think its because I put pressure on myself to do it fast like with NaNoWriMo. This time I hope to be able to write a bit each day even if its just a few hundred words. by the time the year is up I should have a full draft.

2010 goals

2010-01-02T09:23:00.000+11:00

In no particular order these are my goals for 2010. Posts in the coming days on how I plan on achieving each one:

• Save 10,000
• Write a novel draft
• Walk with k walker for short distances
• Be as independent from parents and carers as possible
• Be as healthy as possible
• Get more freelance writing work.

Church

2010-01-01T17:05:00.000+11:00

I always swore I'd never mention religion on my blogs but here I am about to break that vow. I am not an overly religious person and can count on one had the number of times I have been inside a church. I believe in the power of prayer just not that we necessarily all pray to the same god. So I have always appreciated people praying for me and been happy to pray for others. But lately some people on my caringbridge page have been making me feel uncomfortable. Suggesting I need to give my life up to god and that if I'd go to to church I'd be cured just stuff like that. I'm not sure how to respond without offending people but I'm starting to regret writing anything on my page and thus have been avoiding writing on it. I need the support just don't want religion jammed down my throat. Is this wrong? What should I do?

101 in 1001

2009-12-28T16:51:00.001+11:00

Looking at my 101 in 1001 list today I realised my goals have changed a lot and I have achieved all the ones I now actually want to achieve and there are many other goals I have instead. Would it be cheating to make a new list?

What does my middle name say about me?

2009-12-27T16:19:00.000+11:00

You Are Energetic and Unpredictable

You're the type of person who likes to stay active, especially physically active.

You have an adventurous spirit, and you feel like you have to do as much as possible in order to understand the world.

You crave novelty and variety. You like traveling to new places, meeting new people, and trying new things.

You try not to over think much in life. You feel like indecisiveness is a waste of time.

What Does Your Middle Name Say About You?

Work is Hard. Time for Blogthings!

Christmas Take 2 is done

2009-12-26T16:26:00.001+11:00

I was surprised by the people I saw and gifts I received. Very spoilt.Hurting badly physically and feeling crap so gotta go.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T10:31:00.001+11:00

Have a great new year too!

Night before Christmas Aussie Style

2009-12-24T03:23:00.000+11:00

'Twas the night before christmas;
there wasn't a sound.
Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.
We'd left on the table
some tucker and beer,
Hoping that Santa Claus
soon would be here;
We children were snuggled up safe in our beds,
While dreams of pavlova danced 'round in our heads;
And Mum in her nightie,
and Dad in his shorts,
Had just settled down to watch TV sports.
When outside the house
a mad ruckus arose;
Loud squeaking and banging
woke us from our doze.
We ran to the screen door,
peeked cautiously out,
snuck onto the deck,
then let out a shout.
Guess what had woken us up from our snooze,
But a rusty old ute
pulled by eight mighty 'roos.
The cheerful man driving
was giggling with glee,
And we both knew at once
who this plump bloke must be.
Now, I'm telling the truth
it's all dinki-di,
Those eight kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.
Santa leaned out the window
to pull at the reins,
And encouraged the 'roos,
by calling their names.
'Now, Kylie! Now, Kirsty!
Now, Shazza and Shane!
On Kipper! On, Skipper!
On, Bazza and Wayne!
Park up on that water tank.
Grab a quick drink,
I'll scoot down the gum tree.
Be back in a wink!'
So up to the tank those eight kangaroos flew,
With the ute full of toys,
and Santa Claus too.
He slid down the gum tree
and jumped to the ground,
Then in through the window
he sprang with a bound.
He had bright sunburned cheeks
and a milky white beard.
A jolly old joker
was how he appeared.
He wore red stubby shorts
and old thongs on his feet,
And a hat of deep crimson
as shade from the heat.
His eyes - bright as opals -
Oh! how they twinkled!
And, like a goanna,
his skin was quite wrinkled!
His shirt was stretched over
a round bulging belly
Which shook when he moved,
like a plate full of jelly.
A fat stack of prezzies
he flung from his back,
And he looked like a swaggie
unfastening his pack.
He spoke not a word,
but bent down on one knee,
To position our goodies
beneath the yule tree.
Surfboard and footy-ball shapes
for us two.
And for Dad, tongs to use
on the new barbeque.
A mysterious package
he left for our Mum,
Then he turned and he winked
and he held up his thumb;
He strolled out on deck and his 'roos
came on cue;
Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.
He bellowed out loud
as they swooped past the gates-
'MERRY CHRISTMAS to all,
and goodonya, MATES!'

An Aussie Night Before Christmas Written by Yvonne Morrison

writing a novel again

2009-12-23T13:44:00.002+11:00

Last week I started writing a novel. I have an outline and about 2000 words of the story done so far. Hoping by writing about it here it will push me to complete a full draft.

Christmas Take 1

2009-12-22T10:58:00.002+11:00

Christmas take 1 is at my Aunties House tonight. By splitting everything into at least 2 if not more Christmases I will get to see most of my family and I am very happy about that.

goals

2009-12-21T10:57:00.001+11:00

Another 101 in 1001 goal has been completed- get seasons 7 & 8 of Mcleoads daughters.

More 101 in 1001 goals completed

2009-12-20T16:10:00.001+11:00

Today I completed. 92. watch ncis dvds and 45. Watch the movies I own that I haven’t watched yet.

naughty or nice

2009-12-19T15:25:00.000+11:00

Stolen from Renee...Are YOU on Santa's Naughty or Nice list?! You can click here and put in your name to find out. Careful though, those elves are brutal!

Here is what I got.

Has been nice most of the year (not just near Christmas)! Makes others happy. Could share a little more, however. Politeness is sometimes very good. Can be great listener.

Goal 90 of 101 in 1001 completed

2009-12-19T11:16:00.003+11:00

90. write to 3 famous people. Today I wrote to
Adam Brand
Garth Tander and
Stephanie Myer.

I do not expect to hear from them but I had fun and its another goal completed.

christmas spirit

2009-12-18T21:21:00.000+11:00

Your Christmas Sprit Level: 35%

You definitely have some Christmas spirit, and you enjoy the holidays as much as the average person.

You don't go over the top celebrating, and by December 26th, you're ready to pack away your decorations.

You have your own special Christmas traditions, and you tend to pick and choose what you like about Christmas.

The holidays are important to you, but you don't let them take over your life.

Do You Have the Christmas Spirit?

Blogthings: Our Quizzes Weren't Written By Bored 12 Year Olds

Health or lack of

2009-12-17T17:11:00.002+11:00

I am not doing great health wise at the moment and there are big changes and conflicts ahead in the new year. I don't cope well with change either so hoping I'll come out the other side okay. I'm not really into religion so not sure about the whole prayer thing but I know I'm strong and will get through it.

Baby steps

2009-12-16T13:12:00.000+11:00

The balance of the savings account I set up the other day is now $100. It is a very small step to my $10,000 goal but it is a start and I will add to it whenever I am paid for my Divine articles.

Society will never dream like me

2009-12-15T18:47:00.000+11:00

The Sanctity of Dreams-Live
Paint a moustache on the Mona Lisa
Ride a Harley through the heart of danger
Pick up a pen and fight a war for the right to dream
I was seventeen
Give up my house, sleep for nights on concrete
Meditate with all the bums on Vine Street
No more running, no more hiding in the house of the dead
I think I’ll grow some dreads
I believe in the sanctity of dreams
No more running from these masqueraders
I believe that society will never dream like me
I dream of loving, of the empty graveyard
I dream of Vegas and the transcendental wildcard
A place where noone waits to die before they go into the light
And just the blind have sight
I follow nothing but the compass of my instinct
No matter where it leads, I know it will take me to the brink
And leave me there by myself and all alone with my dreams
Can you hear my scream?
I believe in the sanctity of dreams
No more running from these masqueraders
I believe that society will never dream like me
Never dream like me
Society will never dream like me
Never dream like me
Ooh ooh ooh
I believe in the sanctity of dreams
No more running from these masqueraders
I believe that society will never dream like me
Oh-oh
I believe in the sanctity of dreams
No more running from these masqueraders
I believe that society will never dream like me
Never dream like me
Society
Society will never dream like me
Society
Society
Society will never dream like me
Back to Top

This song by Live is one I have recently rediscovered. Dreams are something that are important to me and I have many goals for the future (some of which I have written about on this blog but many I haven’t). I believe that many of my dreams are different to those who aren’t blessed enough to be differently abled but even the ones that are the same I might have to work a little harder to get there and thus Society will never dream like me.

Quotes to live by

2009-12-14T20:58:00.002+11:00

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.” Author unknown

"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.” Author unknown

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.” Charles R. Swindoll

money

2009-12-13T16:07:00.002+11:00

As a young child, I used to be so frugal with my money and really save and weigh up each purchase before I made it. As an adult I am almost the exact opposite. I have no savings and this is a situation I really want to change but I am struggling to do so especially on the small disability pension I get. I guess I need to have the mindset that every dollar counts and start from there but I'm not really sure how to budget etc.

I've been looking at blogs of people who live a frugal live and those who have managed to save in order to get inspiration but I am still a bit lost. I just opened an online savings account with my bank so I guess that is a start. I want it to have a $10,000 balance by the end of 2010 so I guess that is my goal right now. How to achieve it? More later as I ponder this.

Happiness

2009-12-12T20:54:00.000+11:00

You Need Success to Be Happy

You are a responsible and serious person. You like to do things well.

Reaching your goals is very important to you, and you don't like getting sidetracked.

You feel great when you are mastering new tasks and solving problems. You believe in hard work.

Nothing makes you feel worse than feeling like you are doing a back job.

What Do You Need to Be Happy?

Blogthings: We Have a Quiz for Almost Everything

Crazy busy

2009-12-11T11:03:00.003+11:00

The next few days will be flat out with a ton of homework and medical stuff going on. So I'm not sure that you'll get quality posts from me but I guess the point of NABLOPOMO is to post each day whether quality or not. I am also discovering I need to be so much more organised than I actually am so I need to look at ways of doing that. Any suggestions?

Bah Humbug

2009-12-10T13:12:00.002+11:00

Yesterday I finished my Christmas shopping. As usual I spent way too much on people who I don't think will appreciate their gifts. I don't mind the gift giving (and in fact love buying gifts for people) but hate the fact that in my family the gifts are never seen as good enough. Can't I just fast forward and skip Christmas this year?

I'm Me

2009-12-09T19:31:00.000+11:00

I am a butterfly,
I am a bee,
I’m a dragon,
I’m me

I’m twisted,
I’m tortured,
I’m trapped yet I’m strong,
I’m me.

I’m a human being,
With thoughts and feelings too,
I cry & laugh just like you,
Because I am me.

(c) Karen Peatt 2009

Not Special

2009-12-08T19:28:00.000+11:00

I am not special,
I’m just being me.
Doing the best I can,
The best to be free.
I’m not different,
I’m not unique,
I’m no more important than the next person.
Yet you seem to see me as something special
Something neat,
Something to hold on a pedestal,
As something great.

You think because I face challenges,
But do it with a smile,
That I am better than most,
Yet I am just being me.
Nothing special, yet everything to some,
I am light, yet I am dark,
With many faces, yet I am just,
Another branch on this tree of life.
(C) Karen Peatt 2009

Hell of a Ride Adam Brand

2009-12-07T16:08:00.001+11:00

I guess you could say we've been through a lot
And we stuck with each other like it or not
But there's nothing like friends to make you feel alive
We didn't win every battle but God knows we tried

Here's to the sinners here's to the saints
Here's to the people who I'd like to thank
You drink to me I'll drink to you
Let's drink together but before we do...
If we die tonight that'd be alright
Coz we had one hell of a ride

We kicked up some dust and we sure made some noise
But girls will be girls and us boys will be boys
They called us crazy we proved em wrong
They'll be talking 'bout us long after we're gone
We've all done some things we'd rather not tell but we lifted each other when one of us fell

This song means a lot to me at the moment. It has become a bit of an anthem for my life right now. I am struggling g in many ways right now but the one thing I hope I can say is that my life has been one hell of a ride and that I’ve made the most of the opportunities I’ve had.

DIVine

2009-12-06T17:35:00.002+11:00

To see more of my writing and become part of an exciting, fun and innovative website written by and for people with a disability, Please click here.

Kellsey

2009-12-05T21:02:00.003+11:00

Congratulations to my online friends the Garcia family who finally get to bring Kellsey home. I have always wanted to adopt a child and they have inspired me to consider international adoption one day.

Jacob or Edward

2009-12-04T14:08:00.000+11:00

Your Dream Guy is Jacob

You are a warm, friendly, loving person ... and you're attracted to the same qualities in a guy.

For you, love is an organic process. It happens naturally, and it sometimes takes years.

You love being with a guy who has a wild streak like Jacob, even if he's a little unpredictable at times.

You love fun and adventure. You're likely to fall in love with a young soul.

Who's Your Dream Guy: Jacob or Edward?

Blogthings: Free Quizzes for Everyone

What kind of Vampire am I?

2009-12-03T14:01:00.000+11:00

You Are Edward Cullen

In general, you are an upstanding, ethical, and compassionate person. You aren't a stereotypical vampire.

Of course, you're only undead, so you can't help but be tempted occasionally. You do a good job keeping your cravings in check.

You are a true romantic, and you live to take care of your sweetheart. You couldn't go on if you hurt the one you love.

You have many worries and conflicts deep in your heart. You may seem distant or cold, but it's only because you care so much.

What Famous Vampire Are You?

Blogthings: If Quizzes Are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Take Quizzes

A to Z ofThankful

2009-12-02T14:16:00.000+11:00

I know we don't have thanksgiving here in Australia but I thought this was a cool idea. Here's my A to Z of thankful.

A is for all my online friends
B is for Blake my eldest nephew and the joy he brings me
C is for chocolate
D is for downloadable audiobooks and music
E is for Everyone in my family.
F is for food in my belly
G is for green grass
H is for my health which will hopefully improve in 2010
I is for Internet and the world it opens up 2 me
J is for joking around with friends
K is for Kayden my youngest nephew and the light of my life right now
L is for love and those who love me
M is for music and its ability to distract me
N is for Nana and Pa my grandparents are big part of my world
O is for opportunities my abilities have given me like bowling and writing 4 DeVine
P is for people accepting me for who I am
Q is for quiet time alone
R is for reading a really good book.
S is for studying and learning something new every day
T is for TAFE and my friends there
U is for understanding and acceptance of my abilities by community members
V is for veggies and my other favourite foods
W is for writing and the enjoyment I get from it
X is for X rays and other medical tests that unravel the mystery that is my health
Y is for you the people who read my blog and leave comments (hint hint)
Z is forzzzzzzzzz's and the nights I actually get to sleep

Help Wanted

2009-12-01T13:39:00.000+11:00

If anyone is out there reading this can you please tell me what your favourite "classic" novel is and why? I need to compile a summer reading list.

NaBloPoMo day 30

2009-11-30T08:30:00.000+11:00

30 post in 30 days and only one was junk. Lets see if I can do it next month.

Lost

2009-11-29T16:24:00.003+11:00

Today I feel lost. Its coming up to Christmas and for a number of reasons Christmas won't be the same this year. I don't think I'll be seeing any of my family and we won't be having the usual turkey etc. Yesterday I did some Christmas shopping and today I'm wondering why when I won't see anyone to give them their gifts. I've lost my Christmas spirit this year and I'm not sure I can get it back...

What kind of book am I?

2009-11-28T20:26:00.000+11:00

You Are Fantasy / Sci Fi

You have an amazing imagination, and in your mind, all things are possible.

You are open minded, and you find the future exciting. You crave novelty and progress.

Compared to most people, you are quirky and even a bit eccentric. You have some wacky ideas.

And while you may be a bit off the wall, there's no denying how insightful and creative you are.

What Kind of Book Are You?

The First Rule of Blogthings Is: You Don't Talk About Blogthings

Rambling Thoughts....

2009-11-27T03:04:00.003+11:00

I laugh, I cry,
I float and fly,
I fall and scream,
Things aren’t all they seem.

I don’t need anyone to tell me about heaven,
I look around me, and I believe,
I believe in the concrete,
Things I can see,
Yet I feel warm kisses, floating through the air,
When no one is there
And I believe.

Don’t walk away,
I love you too much,
I hate you,
So don’t stay.

Walk away, don’t look back,
Memories are yours too keep,
Whispers dance on the sun
You are free.
(c) Karen Peatt 2009

Spectrum

2009-11-26T03:04:00.002+11:00

I am white,
I am black,
I am trapped
Yet I am free.

I am red,
I am blue,
I can be loved
Yet I am hated.

I am purple,
I am green,
I am snake like,
Yet I am a teddy bear.

I am a kaleidoscope of colours,
I am complex, yet simple,
I am like layers on a cake,
Yet I am just I.

(C) Karen Peatt 2009

I Once was…

2009-11-25T08:56:00.000+11:00

I once was an angel,
With wings and a bent halo,
I once was an angel,
Who gave strawberry kisses.

I once was a devil, who burned fires bright,
Floating through fire and ice,
I once was a devil,
Who hated the world.

I once was a kid,
With lollipop smiles, hopes and dreams,
I once was a kid, white and free
Why didn’t they love me?

I once was me,
Till a snake wound a dagger through my heart,
I once was me,
Now I sleep forever.
(c)2009 Karen Peatt

choices

2009-11-24T20:08:00.003+11:00

Some of you may of heard about this story in the news or read about it in the newspaper. For those of you that haven't a wheelchair user was asked to check his own wheelchair into the luggage compartment at check in and offered a modified wheelchair to use whilst in the airport and when boarding the plane. He refused to use the wheelchair and instead opted to crawl throughout the airport. This decision has caused a public outcry and most media reports suggest that the airline forced the man to crawl. He suggests "An able-bodied equivalent, (to using the supplied wheelchair) a normal person's equivalent would be having your legs tied together, your pants pulled down and be carried or pushed through an airport."

I find this to be a bit extreme. There are many reasons why people who use wheelchairs cannot take their own chairs onto the plane and it causes less delay for everyone the earlier they are checked onto the plane. Admittedly, I have only flown once but I found that the airline was nothing but gracious and accommodating of my needs.

The wheelchair user in question also says "I made a choice and that was to make my own way to the gate," Fearnley said. "I jumped on to my brother's shoulder then I crawled." I think that is the key here: he made the choice to crawl to the gate and not use the wheelchair and sometimes those choices we make need to be accepted as that a choice between alternatives given. I for one do not see what the airline has to apologise for.

Friday Night

2009-11-23T15:55:00.000+11:00

I emerge from the darkness,
Into the light,
And go in search of my Mum,
Looks like the fighting’s over,
For another night.

I find her cleaning up his mess,
I help. I can’t go to sleep, unless,
I know everything’s done,
Otherwise tomorrow night will be just like this one.

Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong,
And have done for so long to make,
Daddy hate me so,
I just don’t know.

Will Daddy hit me too,
Sometimes I wonder if he might,
So I live in fear,
Every Friday night.
(c) Karen Peatt 2009

Courage

2009-11-22T17:55:00.000+11:00

Dorothy Thompson:

Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

People are always telling me I am courageous and an inspiration. This is something I have always struggled to understand/see. You see, I don't see myself as doing anything other than living my life the only way I know how.

I am always trying to push the boundaries of what is considered "normal" for someone with my abilities and trying to blend in with the crowd. Is that too much to ask of myself?

poster girl by Beccy Cole

2009-11-21T20:15:00.000+11:00

You won't listen to my songs anymore
You ripped my poster off the wall
Cause I'm a singer that went to the war
You see no good in me at all
Pardon me if I believe that I haven't got it wrong
And Before you turn your back on me....
I'll sing you one more song

Cause I shook hands with a digger
On the wrong side of the world...
With a wife at home that holds her breath...
With a brand new baby girl

And the Digger fights for freedom
In a Job that must be done
And I let go of his hands so proud
To be an Aus...tral...ian

A fan of me you feel no pride at all
then go ahead and take me off your wall
cause I prefer to be a poster girl
on the wrong side of the world

And I'm just the girl who sings the crazy songs
Not qualified to sit and judge
I've been right and I've known I've been wrong
But I'm for peace and for love
And I admire the burning fire that causes you to fight
I only wish the wrong of the world
Had the same right....

Cause I listen to the wisdom of the Aussie Brigadeer
He spoke of widows and of orphans
And the need to dry their tears

And He leads the fight for freedom
In a job that must be done
And I've never been more proud to say
That I'm Aus...tral...ian

A fan of me you feel no pride at all
Then go ahead and take me...off your wall
Cause I prefer to be a poster girl
On the wrong side of the world

Maybe I'm nieve to think we all could get along
But sir I read your words and all I ask...
Hear my song

I shook hands with a digger
On the wrong side of the world...
With a wife at home that holds her breath...
With a brand new baby girl

And the Digger fights for freedom
In a Job that must be done
And I've never been so proud
To say I'm Aus...tral...ian

A fan of me you feel no pride at all
Then go ahead and take me...off your wall
Cause I prefer to be a poster girl
On the wrong side of the world

I'm so proud to be a poster girl
on the wrong side of the world

Thankful

2009-11-20T10:02:00.000+11:00

I am struggling at the moment with so many things and I know that I am beginning to fall into a dark place again. In an effort to dig myself out I thought I’d make a list of stuff I am thankful for right now. I’ve seen this done with 100 things but not sure if I’ll get that far. If I can come up with 10 I'll be happy. Here we go:

1. My parents and all they do for me
2. My caringbridge site- it helps to have a place where I can write about the goings on in my life and the support I get there is sometimes the only bright spot in a day.
3. My grandparents- they are my rocks and such an inspiration and support to me.
4. My nephews- I don’t see them anywhere near enough but they never fail to make me smile and forget my troubles and pain
5. My computer- its my life line to the outside world most days.
6. Online friends. I don’t have a lot of real life friends so my online friends are very important to me.
7. The real life friends I do have
8. My studies
9. Pain killers
10. The end of this list.

30 Things You Might Not Know About My Illness...

2009-11-19T15:17:00.000+11:00

1. The illness I live with is: Vasculitis of an unknown type. Cerebral Palsy and a bunch of other small conditions such as allergies and asthma.
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Cerebral palsy- officially from about a year old but my parents knew something was wrong way before that. The Vasculitis was diagnosed in 2008.
3. But I had symptoms since: 2005, It started off as skin lesiens on the back of each leg and a general
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Relying on carers and parents for more than I ever have before and recognising I have yet another new ‘normal’.
5. Most people assume: That because I look ok or because I have a smile on my face I must be ok... This is generally far from the truth... 6. The hardest part about mornings are: I have to psych myself to get up knowing full well that once I do I am going to be setting off pain as well... I have to build up courage to fight!

7. My favorite medical TV show is: ER and House!
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: My Computer -- Its my lifeline to the outside world!!!!! And my and wheelchair too of course!!

9. The hardest part about nights are: They are soo long. Most nights I have trouble falling asleep and then can’t stay asleep for more than 1 hr at a time.
10.Each day I take: A number of pills. Some days I take more than others and each day the side effects seem to be different.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: have tried some but not all... Some would only make it worse!

12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: Well, because I am in a wheelchair its visible to a degree but Vasculitis is classified a hidden illness...There are MANY levels and degrees of mobility, disability and pain in this disease. EVERYONE is different... Many people do not understand why there is so much riggamorile around getting out... Why I can not always get out or have to pull out on people at last minute... It sux but its the way it is... Sometimes I'm just not well enough to get out no matter how much I try to push myself...

13. Regarding working and career: I really want to work but need to find something really flexible (perhaps work from home) because of my medical issues.
14. People would be surprised to know: How much it takes me to just "get out", or even function on the level that I do

15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: Not being able to do so many of the things I love! And accepting (and getting other people to understand) that I have more limitations now.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: Endure being constantly criticised and critiqued despite doing my best without taking it personally to the point of dragging me down and not caring what others think when they don’t have nice things to say or pass unfair judgement... It just makes me more determined than ever to prove them wrong!!

17. The commercials about my illness: Are non existent...

18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: If I let myself go down this track the list would be endless but a few things are horse riding, my pt program, guitar lessons.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: Even more of my independence.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: CaringBridge! Updating my journal, following others and signing guest books! I have also started searching out, studying and researching a whole host of things more in depth!

21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: Go out and have an action packed fun filled day fulled with all the activites I used to love... rock climbing being one of them!

22. My illness has taught me: That I can still make an impact and difference with my life in spite of my situation and limitations.
23. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: "You look sooo well - you must be feeling great/ getting better" and “But you don’t look sick” or you are just fat
24. But I love it when people: Treat me as normal and visit me in spite of, take time to talk with me. Hang out with me and make an effort and are willing to accommodate for me! I'm blessed to have friends who have stuck around and encouraged me when I've felt really flat and haven't made me feel guilty when I have had to cancel out last minute... Which is something I hate to do.

25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: Placing one foot in front of the other, I've climbed to higher lengths. Reaching beyond my own limitations, to show my inner strength. No obstacle too hard, for this warrior to overcome. I'm just a man on a mission, to prove my disability hasn't won.
-- Robert M. Hensel

26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: To fight
for their treatment... To hang in there no matter what and to never give up hope!!

27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: How much I have to justify my mental state to insurance as they try to find ways to disqualify me from their services... And how quickly people jump to their own conclusions or try and pass judgement. You really are your best advocate and you have to keep fighting no matter what when it comes to insurances!!

28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Be there for me and messages on my blog and caringbridge page.

29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because:I want to create and spread awareness... You can not always judge on outward appearances...
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: That you care... That you took the time to read this and understand a bit more about things in my world!

life will bring you home Adam Brand

2009-11-18T12:31:00.000+11:00

School came to a end,
She couldn’t wait to spread her wings,
Barley come of age,
Tears welled in her eyes,
She mumbled with goodbyes,
Momma held her young head in her hands,
Whispered: "Baby, someday you’ll understand, that life will bring you home."

She grew up quick,
In a place she didn’t fit,
It broke her heart a dozen times,
Saw a good friend die,
When they got a little too high,
It coulda been her that crossed that line,
But lately all she can think about,

Is how she left behind,
What she can’t live without,

Life takes care of you, life takes care of me,
It sometimes lets you down, what goes will come around.
Faith will ease the pain,
drive you through the rain, on that long and lonely road,
Life will bring you home.

Feeling 18 again,
With her old and new friends,
Guess one was right, all along,
And her high school fling,
He said she hadn’t changed,
He said he always knew she’d come back home,
Yeah, I always knew you would come back home.

Life takes care of you, life takes care of me,
It sometimes lets you down, what goes will come around.
Faith will ease the pain drive you through the rain on that long and lonely road, life will bring you home. x2

Time Warp

2009-11-18T12:20:00.002+11:00

I set blogs to post on a schedule for the pastt week. Checked my blog today and noticed Sunday and Mondays posts didn't work. I'm going to go back and add them now so please don't think you are stuck in a time warp.

Thought for the day

2009-11-17T12:16:00.000+11:00

Thought for the day:
Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish. A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle.
- John Quincy Adams

Her Diamonds by RobThomas

2009-11-15T12:26:00.000+11:00

Oh what the hell she says
I just can't win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there's so many times
I don't know what I’m doin'
Like I don't know now

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it's funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don't know what I’m supposed to do
But if she feels bad then I do too
So I let her be

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And I know I could break her concentration
But it don't feel right

By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
[ Rob Thomas Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there's something less about her
And I don't know what I’m supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
And don't let her see

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
She’ll be all right
She’ll be all right
Just not tonight

And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She’s down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it's
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

Normal childhood thing

2009-11-14T14:52:00.002+11:00

Today I joined the ranks of 'normal' people in my family. You see, my brother and cousins grew up playing sports and winning many awards and trophies. It sounds stupid and petty to me now but I was always jealous of them and their accomplishments. We live in a very small town and there are very few opportunities for someone with my abilities to play sports and thus win awards.

Anyway for the past 3 years I have competed in a ten bin bowling league. On Saturday I was lucky enough to receive a throphy for the high game handicap with a score of 195. I finally feel like I have acomplished something normal and that I am as good as my brother and cousins at something. Stupid isn't it?

For Kayden

2009-11-13T07:58:00.000+11:00

Into the darkness.
I fall from grace,
Like a broken mirror,
A scarred face.

I’m changed forever,
So over you,
Yet I can’t leave you alone,
Never to walk away.

I brake in pieces bit by bit,
The longer we are apart,
But I guess I know I’ll always,
Hold you in my heart.

Though forces hold us apart,
You’ll always be my number one,
Little Gizmo, Monkey Man,
I’ll come to you when I can.

(c) Karen Peatt 2009

angel footprints

2009-11-12T19:55:00.001+11:00

Angel footprints.

There’s too much sadness,
Too much pain,
I never know how I’m gunna begin again,
To find a smile somehow.

To walk through the darkness,
Find somewhere safe,
Somewhere to breathe,
If only I could begin to believe.

But I still see their faces,
They haunt my dreams,
Follow me from place to place,
Cos they’re even here now.

They’re faces on the photo are faded,
My face is lined and jaded,
Where once it was young & free,
But that was before the angels footprints left me.
(c) Karen Peatt 2009

Rememberance day

2009-11-11T17:25:00.002+11:00

They shall not grow old as we who are left grow old. Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning, We will remember them... It is Remembrance day here in Australia and there are many many people who I know that fight for our country whether today or in the past. It is because of their sacrifice that I am free to blog about anything I want and live a free and relatively happy life. For that I say thank you and Lest We Forget.

Spoon Theory

2009-11-10T18:28:00.002+11:00

This is long but well worth the read. Insert Vasculitis and/or Cerebral Palsy where the author says Lupus and this would apply to me.

The Spoon Theory
by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com
My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.
As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?
I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn't seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.
As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.
At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.
I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.
Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.
She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?
I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of "spoons". But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn't even started yet. I’ve wanted more "spoons" for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.
I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said " No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can't take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too." I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.
I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons.
then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s "spoons", but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less "spoons". I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on "spoons", because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.
When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.
I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared”
Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day's plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count "spoons".
After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can't go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”
Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my "spoons".
© 2003 by Christine Miserandino Butyoudontlooksick.com

NaNoWriMo update

2009-11-09T12:38:00.002+11:00

Up until last Thursday I had just under 11000 words and was doing okay. Then my computer crashed and I lost everything. I have so far only re written about 2000 words so I don't think I'll complete NaNoWriMo this year.

books

2009-11-08T20:03:00.001+11:00

I need something new to read and have no idea what I should try. What is your favourite book and why?

101 in 1001 update

2009-11-07T09:20:00.000+11:00

The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.

2. Stay Focussed. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.

3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.

4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.

5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

My 101

1. Complete summer semester 2008
2. Write a novel draft
3. Buy a smaller laptop
4. Play at least 30 minutes of wii a day for a month
5. Make a budget
6. Drink 1 litre of water a day for a month (0/30)
7. Read the Twilight series
8. Save $5000
9. Find a way to make more $
10. Get some writing published
11. Make $ from writing
12. Eat healthier
13. Walk with k walker again
14. Use my camera more often
15. Sell/trade ds games
16. Buy guitar hero for wii/ps3
17. Cook a meal
18. Blog everyday for a week
19. Have 5 comments on my blog
20. Comment on 10 different blogs
21. Donate to RCH
22. have my medication reviewed
23. See ally and Sebastian again
24. Make fudge
25. Spend more time with Nan & Pa again
26. Create carepage for prayer requests
27. See about helping Zak’s angels team
28. Create Megan’s website
29. Create & publish 101 in 1001 list
30. Collect postcards from around the world
31. Organise dvds
32. Organise cds
33. Volunteer somewhere
34. Go to on a holiday
35. Find a place to rent/buy
36. Organise & pay for care each day
37. Go somewhere on the train
38. Go to the Melbourne zoo
39. Go to the movies
40. Make popcorn
41. Organise internet
42. Cut down amount of lollies/sugar I eat
43. Lose 3 kilos
44. Do a long stitch
45. Watch the movies I own that I haven’t watched yet
46. Go to the dentist
47. Get more fish
48. Organise ipod
49. Take better care of teeth
50. Drink milk each day for a week
51. Do a book purge
52. Sort out clothes
53. Do something nice for a stranger
54. Get a new mobile phone
55. Get a medic alert bracelet
56. *
57. Push self in manual wheelchair more
58. Keep a journal
59. Update cb site everyday
60. Read alex cross series
61. *
62. Eat healthier snacks
63. Sponsor a child (if financially able)
64. Bring lunch to TAFE rather than buy
65. Donate $1 for every goal completed and $2 for every uncompleted goal
66. Wear afos again
67. See a physio/do physio program again
68. Get private health insurance
69. Make pizza
70. Eat icecream
71. Treat myself once a month
72. Go grocery shopping by myself
73. By a new denim jacket
74. Go to a concert
75. Write a song
76. Dejunk my wardrobe
77. Make a cv
78. Post stuff on fanstory
79. Complete a disability blog carnival
80. Complete nanowrimo
81. complete nanoblogmo
82.spend time with blake & Kayden
83. use skype
84. talk to my American friends
85. collect snowglobes
86. treat myself once a week for a year
87. learn to knit
88. learn to cook
89. take keyboard lessons
90. write to 3 famous people
91. re read robin hobb books
92. watch ncis dvds
93. find a hobby
94. join a book club
95. do something outside my comfort zone
96. get seasons 7 & 8 of Mcleoads daughters
97. go bowling again
98. expand my reading horizons
99. read some ‘classic’ novels
100. go to a rodeo again
101. on day 1001 publish a new list

My end date: Monday, 26 September 2011
* private goal
bold goal = completed

drive til the wheels fall off Adam Brand

2009-11-06T09:18:00.000+11:00

My daddy threw me a set of keys and said
Look outside and my heart skipped a beat
When I saw what was sittin' in our front drive
That old Ford was as old as me
It had, faded paint and some holes in the seats
It didn't look like much but it was mine
And as I climbed inside

He told me, treat it like it's your last one
And take your time coz it goes real fast son
And don't you worry about breakin' down or gettin' lost
Coz breakin' down's just a hard luck lesson
And gettin' lost helps you find direction
So hit the road and make the most of the gifts you've got
And drive it till the wheels fall off

That old car's seen a lotta things
My first steady job that paid for the ring
That I gave to my first love
Now it's parked outside the church where I'm
'Bout to make a vow to her
My daddy pulled me aside and he said son
I know it's your first and if you want this love to work

You better treat it like it's you're last one

Oh yeah breakin' downs just a hard lesson
And getting lost helps you find direction
So hit the road and make the most of the gifts you've got

Just drive it till the wheels
Just drive it till the wheels
Just drive it
Just drive it
Till the wheels fall off

One more year by Kasey Chambers and Shane Nicholson

2009-11-05T11:12:00.000+11:00

This is another song I really like and am inspired by. I'm not even sure why except maybe because I've been "two steps from the edge..." and I'm still waiting for someone to save me.

He was walking across the wire
Holding a loaded gun
Taking out every lightbulb
One by one

And she was building brand new walls
To keep her safe and sound
Sometimes a place to live
Is just a place to hide

One more year
One more year
Let's hold our breath
And give it just
One more year

Well he was sparks and gasoline
All fire and command
The warmest comfort dies
In the coldest hands

And she was two steps from the edge
But holding on somehow
Even God himself couldn't blame her now

One more year
One more year
Let's hold our breath
And give it just
One more year

Now he's working on a plan
Learning to make her smile
Maybe a change of pace
Or a change of style

And she's walking across the wire
Holding a loaded gun
Hoping that what we feel
Ain't what we've become

One more year
One more year
Let's hold our breath
And give it just
One more year

Quotes to live by

2009-11-04T20:35:00.000+11:00

If you're an underdog, mentally disabled, physically disabled, if you don't fit in, if you're not as pretty as the others, you can still be a hero.
-- Steve Guttenberg

The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”
-- Scott Hamilton
Placing one foot in front of the other, I've climbed to higher lengths. Reaching beyond my own limitations, to show my inner strength. No obstacle too hard, for this warrior to overcome. I'm just a man on a mission, to prove my disability hasn't won.
-- Robert M. Hensel

Soul Asylum Runnaway Train

2009-11-03T20:36:00.000+11:00

This song has always been my favourite. I remember watching the video clip at age ten and feeling like it spoke to me.

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

Care vs independence

2009-11-02T12:11:00.000+11:00

I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do.
-- Helen Keller

This quote really grabbed me today. In being treated with the Methotrexate I am not able to do some of the things I could before (mostly due to fatigue and nausea) and some of the things I can do I cannot do as well as I used too. I'm struggling with the fact I'm less independent now than I ever was and there are big changes happening with my care situation and also my parents lives. I might be forced to move and will be relying on carers more and more. Its not something I like but I see very little I can do about it. Finding the balance between what I can do for myself and what I need help with has suddenly became hard.

Crazy month begins

2009-11-01T03:04:00.000+11:00

Today is day 1 of crazy month. Not only am a studying 2 subjects but I am also doing both NaNoWriMo and Nablopomo. So I think I need to chain myself to my pc. Wish me luck.

NaNoWriMo

2009-10-28T09:39:00.002+11:00

National Novel Writing Month is about to start and I’m on board. NaNoWriMo is a worldwide event where people commit to writing a 50,000-word novel during the month of November. (As a point of reference, Catcher in the Rye is about 50,000 words.)
I'm working on a Vampire story for my PWE class and am about ready to start writing so I'll just use it for NaNoWriMo. I'll keep you updated on my progress through this blog but if anyone else is doing NaNoWriMo I'm listed as girlonwheels.

NaBloPoMo

2009-10-27T17:38:00.003+11:00

In an effort to get back on a regular posting schedule I am participating in NaBloPoMo again in November. I know that I'll be really busy on a few of the days and might struggle to come up with post ideas. So does anyone out there have any questions for me?

Prayer Requests

2009-10-20T21:05:00.000+11:00

Just a quick note to let you all know I'm doing okay (still hurting but trying to solider on) and to ask for prayers for Melanie and Colbie.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/melanie

Melaine is in ICU with serious complications from H1N1. She is one of the first caringbridge kids I 'met' and her whole family is so special. They have been so supportive of me through out my journey. Please also say an extra prayer for her Mom, Amber, as she is several months pregnant and has H1N1 as well.

Colbie is a real sweetheart who has Mito and is also in ICU with complications from H1N1. www.caringbridge.org/visit/colbie
Thank you all.

inspiration

2009-10-07T12:54:00.000+11:00

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... A church... A home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... We are in charge of our Attitudes.”

Need to do this

2009-09-28T13:36:00.000+10:00

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Inspiration from an email

2009-08-26T16:19:00.001+10:00

Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, ' I love you ' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people.....Who cares?

George Carlin

my life right now

2009-08-24T13:50:00.004+10:00

Its been a long time since I have written here and I have much to share with you all (if indeed there is anyone reading this).

First off, I haven't written in awhile because my health has made my computer time limited and when I am on the computer I need to study. Click here if you want to read updates on my health.

I also have a job now. Writing for a Victorian Government website called Divine. DiVine is an exciting website written by and for people with a disability. The website has the aim to inform, engage and entertain. It is a vibrant, inclusive community that encourages participation. So far I have been asked to write book review so would love suggestions of books that relate to disability.

Stellan

2009-07-28T10:21:00.002+10:00

I'll be back later with some more posts but for now I need to post a prayer request for Stellan a very sweet little guy with a whole bunch of heart issues who is fighting for his life right now. Please click the button and send your thoughts and prayers their way.

Kyle

2009-07-19T09:38:00.000+10:00

I write to you this morning with a heavy heart. Kyle has earned his angel wings. Although I expected it and I rejoice for him as he is free of pain I am heartbroken for his family. Please send your condolences to http://www.caringbridge.org/co/kylel/index.htm

Prayer Requests

2009-07-17T16:35:00.001+10:00

I have a couple of prayer requests tonight. the first is for my new blog friend Laura's daughter who is having open heart surgery tomorrow.

The second is for my caringbridge buddy Kyle who is very close to losing his battle with cancer and really needs a miracle.

2009-07-15T10:23:00.001+10:00

The bus stops and the girl climbs on board. The girl doesn’t mind having to stand near the open window. She feels as if she might melt. Children cry as their ice-creams form a sticky puddle on their laps. An old man reads the newspaper. The women on the bus gossip about Bill and Monica. As time passes the other passengers loose interest in their conversations and begin to look around them. They all stare at the girl. Some smile. Some sneer. Others just continue to stare.

The journey continues. Passengers get off the bus. Passengers get on. It doesn’t matter. They all stare. Some even whisper to their friends. Still the girl stands silently. At times the comments get so loud and so rude that the girl wishes she could go and punch the people in the mouth. But she knows she can’t. She must be silent. Invisible. It makes her blood boil faster than lava, but she is helpless.

At the next stop the people that climb on the bus are friendly and start a conversation with the girl.
‘Hot today isn’t it?’
‘Yeah’ says the girl.
It has been too long for this. There are too many forgotten years. The girl just smiles at the people until the bus begins to slow. As the girl gets off the bus she overhears a conversation between two children.
‘That lady standing by the window looked funny’
‘I’m glad we ignored her, she scared me.’
That’s the story of my life thinks the girl as she walks away in her walking frame.

The girl in the story has Cerebral Palsy. Cerebral Palsy is a disorder of muscle control which results from some damage to part of the brain. It can affect people in many different ways, which can be both mental and physical or either mental or physical. For example, in my case my legs and my right arm are affected by the Cerebral Palsy but I am lucky and have not been affected mentally by the Cerebral Palsy. Others are not so lucky. They may be so severely affected by the Cerebral Palsy that they are unable to go to school or care for themselves in any way.

It doesn’t really matter how a person with Cerebral Palsy is affected by the disorder most people are treated by society in much the same way. (Having said this, however I do not mean that all people treat people with Cerebral Palsy this way.) Some people seem to think that a person with any kind of disability has a mental disability. This is a common assumption with Cerebral Palsy because more than half of the world’s Cerebral Palsy sufferers are affected mentally by the disorder.

However there are many organisations (such as Interchange and Yorralla) in Australia that can help sufferers of Cerebral palsy (or any other disability) to gain independence. These organisations can help people with many skills including personal care, shopping, and meal preparation and can also provide personal assistants who can help a disabled person to gain an education. The services these organisations provide are vital to the life of a disabled person because they enable the disabled person to have a “normal” life and attend school or work and also be involved in the community. To be considered “normal” by today’s society means to be accepted by today’s society. Acceptance is what we all crave and these organisation’s help a disabled person to gain some acceptance but there is a long way to go before total acceptance of a disabled person is achieved. This is illustrated by the reaction of the passengers on the bus when they realised the girl standing near the window was disabled. Not many of the passengers on the bus would talk to the girl who was standing by the window in her walking frame. The only people who would talk to the girl came on the bus towards the end of the journey and then had difficulty making conversation with the girl. If the girl was not disabled the passengers on the bus may not have had any trouble making conversation with the girl. The girl also had trouble making conversation with the other passengers on the bus. The fact that the narrator of the story suggests that “it has been too long for this. There are too many forgotten years.” Suggests that like many other disabled people the girl is so used to being treated badly that she does not know how to react when people are nice to her. These kinds of problems can make disabled people feel even more alienated from the rest of the world. The best way to overcome this problem is to educate the ‘normal’ people of the world in order to try and make them understand that disabled people are just people who may take a little longer than a ‘normal’ person to achieve some of their goals. If we can do this then maybe the ‘normal’ people will be more accepting of the disabled and then we can all live in harmony.

I would like to remind all the ‘normal’ people out there that it’s not what’s on the outside that counts but what’s on the inside. So as a final reminder from my pearls of wisdom as some great literary person said ‘don’t judge a book by its cover.’

Prayer request

2009-07-09T20:35:00.000+10:00

Time to update about my appointment with my rheumatologist yesterday. My Vasculitis is definitely flaring up but we have a plan of how to treat it. The plan totally scares the crap out of me but it is a plan.

First the easy part- Doctor Boyden wants me to be admitted to Saint Vincent’s Hospital for Rehab and also to see the Rheumatology team there for a second opinion to make sure we are doing everything right. I am not sure when this will happen Doctor Boyden is going to talk to the Young Adults with Complex Disabilities clinic and will set everything up and get back to me. I am hoping it will happen soon and be a really short admission.

Now the scary part of the plan. He has put me on Methotrexate which is an oral type of chemotherapy. The side effects are many and scary and from what I have read and been told pretty much impossible to avoid. I am on 10mg weekly and will take the first dose tonight, I know that I can and will get through anything (especially with my angel friends watching over me) but I would appreciate your prayers all the same.

My Predisolone and lasix doses will be lowered. I will now be on 5mg of Predisolone and 40 mg of Lasix.

Today I had a whole bunch of blood work done that I needed to have done before starting the Methotrexate. Nothing much else exciting going on.

Love to all,
Karen

My creative process

2009-07-06T19:19:00.004+10:00

One of my TAFE assignments is to talk about my creative process. I am struggling with it because I don't consciously set out to write most of the stuff I write. It just happens. Many of the poems I have posted on here are born because a line of them will pop into my head and they flow from there...

My only attempt at a novel so far was much like that too, but in that case little Jack Lawson appeared in my dreams and started telling me his story and then bugged me enough until I started writing it down. I am waiting for him to come back and tell me the rest.

Over the last couple of days I have started a new novel. The main character did the appear in my head thing too but this time I am using novel writing software to get down and organise my ideas. I am not sure how it is going to go but I'll keep you all posted if anyone is interested.

Edge II

2009-07-06T14:23:00.001+10:00

She falls into the darkness,
Tears pouring down her face,
Broken hearted,
So over life yet still living,

You’ll recognise her as she walks down the street,
She’s the one who has forgotten how to smile,
Forgotten who she once was,
Just needs a hug.

So grimy and dirty,
Lost under many layers,
But one day the sun will break through,
She’ll become stronger,
And come into the light.
(c)Karen Peatt 2009

Sunday Grains of Gratitude........

2009-07-05T16:35:00.002+10:00

This week I am grateful I could get an appointment with my rheumatologist. I am also grateful for pain killers and other medication in the meantime. I'm not doing well health wise and could really use prayers. I'm also grateful for time spent with friends and family.

101 in 1001 update

2009-07-04T16:37:00.000+10:00

In the past month I have completed the following 101 in 1001 goals.

68. Get private health insurance
94. join a book club
6. Drink 1 litre of water a day for a month (0/30)
31. Organise dvds
32. Organise cds
33. Volunteer somewhere
34. Go to on a holiday
41. Organise internet
77. Make a cv
78. Post stuff on fanstory
. Organise & pay for care each day
47. Get more fish
23. See ally and Sebastian again

This means I have completed 45/101 goals. I am happy with my progress so far. For reasons beyond my control the find a place to rent/buy goal isn’t practical at the moment so I will replace it with another goal and add it to future 101 in 1001 lists.

My Darling Sara

2009-07-04T04:34:00.000+10:00

My failing right hand,
Isn’t actually failing,
It’s just another body part,
That gets me to the bar.

It picks up a bottle,
Helps me chug that bottle down,
Til I forget where I’ve gotta go,
Or where I’ve been.

I thought I’d write this poem for you,
To show that I care,
Even though that last night,
You screamed I was never there.

We made love like pasta and sauce,
Messy but so true,
We were meant to be together,
me and you.

You told me faith means more than trying,
Sweat holds more value than tears,
But as you walked away,
You’re voice echoed through my fears.

“Once I believed you were the one,
Oh so strong & true,
Know I know you are weak,
And I’m not the one for you.”

That last fight sent me into a spin,
We shouldn’t fight while I’m driving,
My anger spun us into a tree,
Hurting you not so much me.

So now my darling Sara though
I said I’d never let you go,
I tried so hard but my right hand failed,
And I never felt you leave,
Oh my darling Sara, I love you so.

Together and free

2009-07-03T16:33:00.000+10:00

For you’re the one I’ve lost
The only one for me
You’re footprints stamped upon my heart
As you ran away

Like a flutterby with no wings
A piano with no tune
A moon with no stars
I’m lost without you

If you call, I’ll come
Just whisper on the wind
I’m there as fast as I can
Just as soon as your hand beckons

So I wait until I grow old
Saving my heart for you
Knowing one day we’ll be together
Even if only in my dreams

We’ll be the ones
Dancing on the stars
Fly to the moon
Together and free
(C) Karen Peatt 2009

Kayden

2009-07-02T13:41:00.003+10:00

Today is my nephew Kayden's first birthday. He has changed my life so much in just one short year. He's given me a chance to spend time with a small child (something I have never really done before) and given me something to focus on throughout some really dark days. Until Kayden was born I didn't realise I could love another human being so much. I guess I feel so close to Kayden because I will probably never have children of my own.

Kayden and I have a special relationship. He lights up when I enter a room and everything in my world is so much better when he is around. I hope one day he'll read this blog and realise how special he is to me.

Happy 1st birthday Gizmo!

The Pic is of me & kayden when he was 3 days old. I don't have a recent pic of us together.

inspiration

2009-07-01T18:03:00.000+10:00

For me, as a person with disabilities its not so much about the fact that I signed up for a different destination, but it is about making the most of the opportunities that Holland offers me.

You see, seeing as I was born with some of my disabilities I have only known Holland. Perhaps, if I were to have experienced Italy before being taken onto a flight into Holland then my view of the world and my lot in life might be different. Having said that I can’t say I understand and accept everything in relation to being disabled and I am not like a few of my friends who say that they wouldn’t want to not be disabled.

I would love to be able to go for a run and feel the wind in my hair, I would love to be able to drive and even just to take the stairs one day instead of using the lift. I wonder what it is like to slow dance with someone you love? These are all relatively simple things that I’ll never get to experience and I am sure that if I didn’t have CP I would have experienced most, if not all, of them by now.

I have been called an inspiration many times throughout recent years (especially since I started my own websites) and I try to encourage people to make the best of their situations and not to worry about the things that they cannot change.

They say that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger and that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle and well, if that’s the case I can understand why some people might see me as a strong person but I’ll never understand why they see me as inspirational. You see, I am just doing the best I can to be true to myself and reach my dreams and if I manage to help other people along the way, then I guess that’s just the way it was supposed to happen.

My Journey

2009-06-30T14:53:00.003+10:00

For Today's Talk About Tuesday I thought I'd talk about my journey as a person with disabilities. More Talk About Tuesday posts can be found here.

For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Don't be afraid to go after what you want to do, and what you want to be.
But don't be afraid to be willing to pay the price."
Lane Frost

These quotes have me thinking today. What is the price of the inner peace I crave? Will I ever find it? One day but until then I must remember that Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile (from an email).
In particular, the quote from Lane Frost relates to the way I see myself and my journey with my disabilities. I have to work harder than many people to get to wear I am today but I am not afraid of that but I wonder sometimes at what cost I have done that and to whom that cost was? Myself or society? Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off if I had bowed to societies’ expectations that I can’t do anything because of my disabilities or that I should/could use my disabilities as an excuse to do as little as I can. But then, I think about the opportunities I have had either because of the fact that I see myself as ‘normal’ and try to act (and be treated that way) as much as possible, or things that I have gotten to do as a direct result of my disabilities, and I realise how lucky I am.

Some of my experiences have happened later in life than they do for other people but they happen anyway and I guess they are more special because I have had to wait.

Echoing Footsteps

2009-06-25T17:09:00.003+10:00

I have been working on several writing projects over the last few months, two of which are rapidly becoming novels. I thought I'd post the prologue of one just to see if anyone reading the blog likes it and once to read more. If you do I might post a chapter a week or something.

Echoing Footsteps.

Prologue

Footsteps echo in the hallway. A door slams and a car kicks over gently. As the car backs down the driveway I emerge from my hiding place and go to my little sister. Her tears begin to fall just like they always do and just like I have every Friday night for the past few years I take her into my arms and hold her. I tell her that it will be all right and I tell myself this time it has to be. I have to do something to make it ok. Comforted by my words she becomes quiet. I lead her to her room where she lays on her bed and hugs Fred. Fred is her teddy bear and her only other friend.

I go in search of my Mother and find her cleaning the kitchen. The wall has been splattered with a roast I know she has slaved over for hours and there are pieces of the broken plate everywhere. Mother looks up and I see she will have another shiner which will have to be explained away once again. Maybe she had better have tripped over the cat this time, no one could be stupid enough to walk into a door every week. She looks at me and starts to cry. I hold her for a while and whisper words of reassurance. “I’m sorry” is all she says. Rage boils inside me like lava. “Don’t worry. He won’t hurt you again. I won’t let him” I say, before leaving her.

I walk into my room and close the door. My hands shake as I open my bedside cupboard. I no longer shake with fear, just anticipation. The cold metal of the gun empowers me. I am now strong enough and know enough to use it. Dad never should have taught me how to shoot. Next Friday I will be ready for him.
(c) Karen Peatt 2009

Please let me know what you think.

Reading recommendations

2009-06-24T06:24:00.000+10:00

I've ran out of reading material for the MS Readathon. Do you have any suggestions of books I should read? I'll read anything except horror and Mills and Boon novels. What's your favourite novel and why?

Ms Readathon

2009-06-23T17:00:00.001+10:00

For today’s Talk about Tuesday I thought I’d talk about the MS Readathon and why I decided to do it. The Ms Readathon raises money for people who have Multiple Sclerosis an unpredictable and mysterious disease of the central nervous system (the brain and spinal cord)
Our central nervous system contains nerve fibres that help send information to and from different parts of our body. A substance called myelin coats the nerve fibres, like insulation around an electric cable.
The healthy body's immune system normally defends the body from attack by viruses or bacteria. However, in the case of MS, the body's immune system attacks its own myelin, causing disruption to messages being sent to and from the brain.
The myelin becomes scarred and the damaged areas are called "sclerosis". As they appear in "multiple" places within the central nervous system, the disease is called Multiple Sclerosis.
Some facts about MS:
• MS affects over 16,000 Australians and more than 2,500,000 people around the world, and is most common in young adults.
• It's usually diagnosed between 20 and 50 years of age.
• Almost three times as many women as men have MS.
• It is more common in cooler climates.
• MS is not contagious.
• Symptoms can be mild or severe and come and go unpredictably.
• It affects each person differently.
• The cause and cure of MS is unknown.
How the MS Readathon works

The MS Readathon is organised by MS Australia. Now in its 30th year, the MS Readathon is Australia’s principal literacy and fundraising program.
The MS Readathon encourages children to improve their reading skills, as well as teaching them the value of giving to others, by supporting Australians living with MS.
Last year more than 46,000 Australian kids joined in the fun by reading more than one million books and raising over $3.5 million.

Getting started
Simply register your child for the 2009 MS Readathon and get them ‘reading for a reason’. Once your child is registered we will send a Starter Pack in the mail containing all the information needed to have a successful MS Readathon.
Your child can then approach family and friends for sponsorship support that can be either a flat donation or sponsorship for the number of books, and amount of time, they read in the month of June.
Kids can read books, magazines, newspapers and website content of their choice. They can also count books that they read for school, making the classroom a very rewarding experience.
Every child who completes the MS Readathon receives a certificate and reading rewards to say ‘thank you’ for their role in changing the lives of Australians living with Multiple Sclerosis.

I did the MS Readathon almost every year while at school and this year I realised adults can do the readathon too. MS is a disease that I feel needs more research into and I am happy to do anything that I can to help people with MS have a better life. Plus anything that allows me to embrace my love of reading is a good thing as far as I’m concerned.

So far I’ve read for 151 hours and read 22 books. I’ve only raised $30 dollars so far and am hoping to read and raise a lot more. If anyone is able to sponsor me please click here.

another poem I wrote

2009-06-19T06:20:00.001+10:00

She walks a fine line,
Between the edge & normality,
So over life, yet still alive,
Something inside her breaks.

She’s forgotten how to smile,
How to love,
Even how to care,
So broken that parts of her soul aren’t even there.

No one notices cos’ she’s gotten so good,
At pretending all is fine,
That she’s happy inside,
That she fits in society.

Sometimes she wishes,
That somebody cared,
Enough to see all that she really is.

So broken, lost & alone,
A butterfly without wings,
A moon with no stars,
A shell of a life.

(c) Karen Peatt 2009

carers

2009-06-18T14:02:00.002+10:00

I have been given extra funding for respite carers and as a result will have carers 5 days a week plus extra time for outings such as ten pin bowling. I am not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, the carers allow me independence from my parents and gives me the opportunity to do stuff that I might not always be able to do otherwise.

On the other hand, having the carers come in each day means I am stuck waiting for carers to arrive before I can truly begin my day and what the routine will be depends on who my carers will be each day as there are certain tasks that only certain carers will do. I will have no day to sleep in or do whatever I want when I want in the mornings.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the carers and the opportunities they give me but I do miss the freedom of my life before carers. It's a fine line and one that I'm still struggling to walk.

Shake it off and step up

2009-06-17T10:06:00.001+10:00

Shake it off and step up...

Once upon a time there was a farmer who had an old mule. The mule fell into a deep dry well and began to cry loudly. Hearing his mule cry, the farmer came over and assessed the situation. The well was deep and the mule was heavy. He knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to lift the animal out.

Because the mule was old and the well was dry, the farmer decided to bury the animal in the well. In this way he could solve two problems: put the old mule out of his misery and have his well filled.

He called upon his neighbors to help him and they agreed to help. To work they went. Shovel full of dirt after shovel full of dirt began to fall on the mule’s back. He became hysterical. Then all of a sudden an idea came to the mule. Each time they would throw a shovel full of dirt on his back he could shake it off and step up. Shovel full after shovel full, the mule would shake it off and step up. Now exhausted and dirty, but quite alive, the mule stepped over the top of the well and walked through the crowd.

A great attitude. A great way to approach life. Shake it off and step up. Too often we hold on to what has happened to us.

We hold on to it for a week, a month, even years. We cannot shake it loose from our memory. It eats away at us and steals our joy, happiness and peace of mind. The past hurt can create feelings of bitterness, resentment, anger and revenge.

We keep allowing these emotions to be thrown on our backs and if we do nothing, we will be buried deep in the well. Walls will be built in our relationships. We will avoid each other and the cold war begins.

But, we have a choice: keep it inside and embrace the hurt or shake it off and step up. Give it a try. Shake it off and step up. Words that have been said or actions that have been done, shake it off and step up. Let it go. Whatever it is: a rude comment, a past mistake, being ignored, we can stew over it all week. It occupies us all the time.

Too often we nurse hurts, we keep them alive inside and go over them time and time again; not only stewing from them, but now chewing them over and over until it gets us sick. Too often we rehearse hurts, tell everyone what has happened to us.

The cure is to accept what has happened, try to make sense out of it, learn from it, then shake it off and step up. When you let it go you feel free and you are no longer buried in the well. Once you are on your feet again you can take some action. You decide where you want to grow in life, the direction you want your life to take. You decide whether you will allow the hurt to make you a bitter or a better person. Learn from it. Emerge stronger.

THAT'S LIFE! If we face our problems and respond to them positively, and refuse to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity...THE ADVERSITIES THAT COME ALONG TO BURY US USUALLY HAVE WITHIN THEM THE POTENTIAL TO BENEFIT AND BLESS US!

Remember that FORGIVENESS

--FAITH--PRAYER-- PRAISE and HOPE...all are excellent ways to "SHAKE IT OFF AND STEP UP" out of the wells in which we find ourselves!
By Joseph Sica

The Comfort Zone.

2009-06-15T20:39:00.001+10:00

he Comfort Zone.

About 10 years ago, I started a job as a trainer for a Telemarketing agency. In one of my first classes the head trainer told a very motivating story that I would like to share with you.

He began by drawing a diagram of a stick man standing in the middle of a circle. To make it more interesting, he drew things like a house, a car, and a few friends inside the circle.

He asked the question "Can anyone tell me what this is?" In a long silence, one guy decided to throw out "the world?" The trainer said "That's close, this is your Comfort Zone. Inside your circle you have all the things that are important to you. Your home, your family, your friends, and your job. People feel that inside this circle they are safe from any danger or conflict.

"Can anyone tell me what happens when you step out of this circle?" A strong silence came over the room. The same eager guy abruptly announced "You are afraid". Another guy said "You make mistakes". The silence continued and the trainer smiled and said "When you make mistakes what can the result be?" The first guy shouts "You learn something."

"Exactly, you are learning." The trainer turned to the board and drew an arrow pointing from the stick man directly to the outside of the circle. He proceeded to say "When you leave your Comfort Zone you put yourself out there, in front of the world to be in a situations that you are not comfortable with. The end result is that you have learned something that you did not already know, you expand your knowledge to become a better person." He turned again to the board and drew a bigger circle around the original circle, and added a few new things like more friends, a bigger house etc.

"The moral of the story is that if you stay inside your Comfort Zone you will never be able to expand your horizons and learn. When you step out of your Comfort Zone you will eventually make your circle bigger, to challenge your mind and grow to be stronger, and all in all a better person."

Where I've been

2009-06-07T18:29:00.003+10:00

I bet that no one even reads this blog anymore or at the very least you all thought I'd fallen off the face of the earth. No I have just been crazy busy with law school, fulfilling a life long dream yo visit QLD and the crazy roller coaster ride that is my health these days. Now that things have calmed down a bit I'll be back blogging regularly.

The bay at midnight by Diane Chamberlain

2009-05-26T11:09:00.001+10:00

Her family's cottage on the New Jersey shore was a place of freedom and innocence for Julie Bauer—until her seventeen-year-old sister, Isabel, was murdered.

It's been more than forty years since that August night, but Julie's memories of her sister's death still shape her world. Now someone from her past is raising questions about what really happened that night. About Julie's own complicity. About a devastating secret her mother kept from them all. About the person who went to prison for Izzy's murder—and the person who didn't.

Faced with questions and armed with few answers, Julie must gather the courage to revisit her past and untangle the complex emotions that led to one unspeakable act of violence on the bay at midnight.

This is my favourite Diane Chamberlain book so far. The characters are really believable and very strong. Their emotions are very real too. The mystery of the story will leave you frantically turning pages until the very end and for me the ending was unexpected but very fitting. A highly recommended book overall.

Studying law externally

2009-05-19T02:02:00.001+10:00

For today's Talk About Tuesday I thought I'd talk about how I study law and challenge myself academically and where I'd like to take my studies in the future. I study law externally (at home)and am pretty much able to study whenever I can. In a way I like this flexibility and its good in terms of allowing me to rest etc and take care of my health.

The downside of external study for me is staying on track with everything and staying motivated. I really need to be more organised and have better study habits but I have no idea how to do it. Any tips? More Talk About Tuesday can be found here.

A letter to Sophie

2009-05-18T04:29:00.000+10:00

Most Australians know Sophie Delezio but for those that don't I'll give you a quick recap. In 2003 on December 15th a car crashed into the childcare centre Sophie was at. She and another little girl (Molly Wood) were badly burned when the care caught fire. A letter to Sophie details Sophie's amazing journey and recovery from not only this accident but also a second accident Sophie was involved in (She was hit by a car at age 5).

Many people tell me I am courageous and I inspire them. I encourage everyone to read a letter to Sophie- in doing so you'll see what true courage is.

Sunday Grains of Gratitude........

2009-05-17T18:52:00.002+10:00

This weeks list:

1.I am grateful that I wasn't badly hurt in my fall on Friday and that I am almost 100% recovered today.
2. For a good day at ten pin bowling with my highest score this year of 165.
3.For friends that understand even when I let them down.
4. For new & exciting opportunities that I will have in the coming week (including my first airplane trip).
5. For a productive homework day today.

What are you grateful for this week?